oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
