I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
