3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
