Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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