there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
