chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
