I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
