I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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