UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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