It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
