The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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