i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
