the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
