I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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