so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
