we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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