You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
