god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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