they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
