Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
