what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
