part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
