If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
