Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
