Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Everclear isn't food dammit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
