he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
