a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
