Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
