Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
be right there i have to get my cape
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
