Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
