It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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