I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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