He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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