I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
there's paper in my vomit.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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