hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
