Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think my mom watched the whole time
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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