it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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