quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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