her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
