I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
