So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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