i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
