I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need a beard to bite.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
