all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize