I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
