Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
