I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
