I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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