Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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