im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
