Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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