its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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