I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
