i just wanna soil my oats bro
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize