if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
