mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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