i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
