What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
