sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
