if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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