Jerry, you need to find god
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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