he puts the penis in happiness.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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