it wasn't lemon gatorade
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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