Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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