By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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